Having a random hookup so left but love u
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
