She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
