I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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