just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
