My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
