Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
