Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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