I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
