Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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