I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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