I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
