hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
