Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
