I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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