How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
