make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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