The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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