My underwear smells like fireworks.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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