Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
