I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
