my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
