yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
