awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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