I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
