I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
