was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
