I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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