We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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