I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
