im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize