So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
