Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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