I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
