I'm so fucking centered right now
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
