so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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