Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
