No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
