ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
