Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
