too bad you live with your parents still
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
