Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
