yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
