that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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