He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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