don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
