in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
