No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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