right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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