I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize