Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
