Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
