No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The best revenge is premature balding
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
