Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
