I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wish you could order shots online.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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