i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
