the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
