Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The power of my boobs compel you
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
