Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
