I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
