please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
