she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Drunk is not a location!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
