She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
