i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
