But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
