You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
