yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
No more Irish car bombs ever.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
