A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
