Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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