My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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