I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
