This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
