bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize