All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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