I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
