You can't special order awesome
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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