his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
