census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize